Our Demands
IMPORTANT: Later this week we plan to replace this list with all-new set of even more ludicrous demands. Please tell us YOUR demands at our new Discussion Board.

1 - Hanson, The Spice Girls, Aqua, The Backstreet Boys, and Tara Lipinski must be hung by their ankles in a Turkish prison until they confess to their roles in the Great Cheese conspiracy.

2 - Shawn Colvin, Sarah Maclachlan and Paula Cole will be forced to admit that they are actually the same person, and their appearance at the Grammys was a holographic trick.

3 - All MTV veejays (except Matt Pinfield) must be immediately deported, and replaced by the original cast of What's Happening

4 - Touched By An Angel will be allowed to stay on television only if a starring role is given to Marilyn Manson.

5 - Movie theaters accross Amerikkka must burn their prints of Titanic, and begin showing a double feature of Toxic Avenger and Evil Dead 2. Also, anyone caught playing that Celine Dion song must be summarily executed.