The Inane Asylum

I'm starting a separate blog here, for the random crapola that doesn't fit in my "real" blog.

A friend passed on these comic gems from Jose Canseco's new book "Juiced":

"People like to credit Cal Ripken for helping save baseball or maybe Mac and Sammy for the great home run chase of 1998. Well, you already know about the steroids I gave Mac, without which he would have been lucky to hit 25 bombs a year, but I also helped keep Cal's streak alive. True story: We were playing the Orioles in 1994 and Cal gave me a call at my hotel. 'Jose,' he says, 'you gotta help me out. Kevin Costner is trying to make some moves on my wife and I wanna beat him up. But I don't want to break my hand or anything. Would you mind stopping by his movie set on the way to the ballpark and roughing him for up me?' Since Cal is such a great guy, I did just that. It's pretty easy to rough somebody up when you're in the middle of a 'roid rage, so I just injected myself before my little meeting with Mr. Costner. And Cal was able to keep his streak alive. And the next year when he broke the record and ran around Camden Yards, high-fiving all the fans? That was my idea."

and another:

"After I joined the Yankees late in the 2000 season and led them to their third straight World Series title, I was sure we had a dynasty on our hands. But that winter, well, this is hard for me to admit, but I stole Derek Jeter's girlfriend from him. I think I was jealous about all the attention he was getting and wanted to get some revenge. I felt bad about it -- heck, I even went to therapy to help me better understand the inner feelings of inadequacy I've always felt which lead to my self-destructive behavior. Bottom line: Jeter got mad, complained to Steinbrenner, and that's why I wasn't brought back the next year. And of course the Yankees haven't won a World Series since."

All this hubbub reminds me of thay Simpsons episode with Canseco and all those other MLB players. On the DVD commentary track, the Simpsons staff says "all the players were really nice! Except for one player... whose name rhymes with "manseco."

But as cartoonishly insufferable as Jose may be, does anyone really doubt that all those mentioned in his book really took steroids? This "how dare he??" grandstanding against his allegations seems kinda silly to me.

Somebody please buy one of these so i can come to your house:

gizmodo:

Bang & Olufsen’s BeoVision 7 32-Inch TV and Entertainment Center is the prettiest demand to hand over my wallet I’ve seen in a while. This home entertainment center is built around 32-inch widescreen LCD screen that automatically adjusts picture quality upon powering up. The screen also includes an intergrated DVD player and top box controller module for pulling in satellite channels. It’s only $12,000, or three stolen babies.

Engadget:

With LCD and plasma displays getting sleeker and slimmer by the day, you’d think Bang & Olufsen, which built their name on sleek, slim components, would be tearing their hair out, desperately trying to find a way to make their products stand out from the wannabees. While we’ve seen signs of that desperation — the BeoVision 5 TV, which mounted a gorgeous 42-inch plasma screen in a square frame, comes to mind — most of their TV products have managed to differentiate themselves from the competition in subtle, creative ways. The BeoVision 7 32-inch LCD does so with its built-in DVD player, distinctive speakers and integration with the company’s BeoLink network, along with a screen that automatically adjusts to ambient lighting conditions and can be swiveled via remote to an optimum viewing angle. Whether these features make it worth a price that’s likely to be at least $5K depends on how much you’ve bought into the B&O philosophy — and, of course, how much cash you’ve got to spare.

From hotjobs:

JOIN THE MOST ELECTRIFYING COMPANY IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY TODAY!

World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. develops and produces the last of the great variety shows on television combining all the elements of entertainment: sitcom, talk show, soap opera, action-adventure, and drama. With 52 weeks of original programming without an off-season or re-runs, it is quite a creative challenge to keep characters and story lines interesting and compelling. That's where you come in!

Qualified candidates should possess:

BA/BS in Film, TV, Drama, Media Studies, Communications or equivalent

Minimum of two years writing and/or TV production experience; professional TV staff experience in drama and comedy, a plus

Willing to relocate to Stamford, CT

Knowledge of WWE talent and story lines is required

Excellent communication skills and the ability to work in a team environment

Flexible travel schedule

Aww shucks now. Paging O-Dub:

Sandra Oh Separating from Alexander Payne

Director Alexander Payne and wife Sandra Oh have gone from "Sideways" to parting ways, a spokeswoman told People magazine on Saturday. The Hollywood couple "have mutually decided to separate," the spokeswoman said. "They will remain friends." The couple met five years ago and married in 2003.

via screenhead: 111 classic ads, free for downloading right here. Sadly, the Greatest Ad of All Time (Barney Rubble's rap for Fruity Pebbles) is not included, there's plenty of other good ones.

Also some even older ads here.

Hmmmm. Apparently only in Safari right now, so I can't see it yet:

Amazon.com's Statistically Improbable Phrases, or "SIPs", show you the interesting, distinctive, or unlikely phrases that occur in the text of books in Search Inside the Book. Our computers scan the text of all books in the Search Inside program. If they find a phrase that occurs a large number of times in a particular book relative to how many times it occurs across all Search Inside books, that phrase is a SIP in that book.

Once we identify a phrase that is statistically improbable:

For books where the phrase is a SIP, we provide an exact count of and link to the occurrences in those books.

For books where the phrase merely appears in the book, we provide a link to those occurrences

We also display a link to search A9.com for the phrase

Suuuure you don't want to compete with Paypal.

Google Confirms Work on Internet Payment Service
Google has confirmed that it is developing an online payment system, although it says it has no plans to take on EBay's PayPal service.

Following media speculation about such a move, the chief executive of the Web search giant, Eric Schmidt, told reporters in the United States that the company is working on payment services that would extend its existing online products and advertising services.

Representatives for Google in the United Kingdom confirmed Schmidt's remarks but declined to give further details.

Google does not plan to launch a person-to-person stored payment system that would compete directly with PayPal, but it is working on a payment system to improve the way e-commerce is done, Schmidt told reporters, according to the U.K. representative.

EBay's PayPal service allows businesses and individuals to send and receive payments online using existing financial infrastructure such as bank accounts and credit cards. Founded in 1998, PayPal now claims over 71 million account members worldwide.

Schmidt said that Google's aim is to solve other problems with e-commerce, according to the representative. Much of the search company's activity today revolves around online advertising and tools such as its Froogle online comparison shopping engine.

Founded in 1998, Mountain View, California-based Google has been credited with disrupting business models with its innovative services, pushing technology stalwarts such as Microsoft and Yahoo to rethink their search and e-mail offerings.

Maybe this Godrich dude will get something better from Paul than that "Freedom" monstrosity.

Sir Paul McCartney has announced that his new album will be called ‘Chaos and Creation in the Backyard’.

The album is the follow-up to 2001’s ‘Driving Rain’ and is scheduled for release this autumn.

Fresh from wowing crowds at Live 8 with his Beatles medley over the weekend, Macca quashed rumours that it would be a double album, telling Radio 1: "I have two albums worth going at once."

As ananova reports, the legendary Beatles frontman has been working with Nigel Godrich on the album – famed for his work with Radiohead, Travis and the recent Live Aid single.

Macca is set to debut the album to audiences when he kicks off a lengthy North American tour in Florida on September 16.

No word on whether their cover of "Come on, Get Happy" made the cut.

According to a front page article in today’s Fréttablaðið, recordings for the new Sigur Rós album due out in September, are now complete. The recordings have taken over a year and a half, mainly in the band’s studio in Mosfellsbær with finishing touches made New York.

Most of the songs are sung in Icelandic but some are sung in “vonlensku” or hopelandish, a language invented by singer Jónsi while working on their last album. Fréttablaðið reports that the new album is different from the last album and has more in common with the band’s album from 2000,Ágætis Byrjun,. Sigur Rós is about to start touring Europe, Japan and Australia.

Yes this is awfully inane even for a blog named Inane, but I have to do it. Look at these cats!!

Seems like these pics originated here.

So far at this year's World Series of Poker, the big cinderella story is Tiffany Williamson, a tournament rookie who has come out of nowhere to vie for the final table.

Yesterday Tiffany became the first African-American woman to reach a million chips in the WSOP, and then doubled up to two million in one fell swoop, the biggest hand of the tournament so far.

Tiffany Williamson is a 26 year old Columbia grad who now practices law in London (see her firm's web page here), and reportedly earned her WSOP seat through an internet qualifier that cost 40 pounds to enter.

For more info check gutshot.com, whom she is representing at the tourney.

Tiffany Williamson doesn't fit the profile of the typical poker player; she's British, she's black and she's a woman. But her budding accomplishments at the poker table are being admired by both amateurs and professionals alike. Williamson is a corporate attorney working in London for the top-ranked international firm of Davis, Polk and Wardwell. Her work has included transactions for some of the most well known financial companies in the world, including Merrill Lynch, Lehman Brothers and Morgan Stanley. American-born, Williamson went to school at the College of William and Mary in Williamsburg, Virginia; graduating in 1992. She went on to earn her M.A. from the University of South Carolina and her J.D. from Columbia Law School in New York. She has lived in London since joining Davis Polk in 1999 but still holds a license to practice in New York. It is perhaps this background that makes her comfortable with money. Her 2005 15th place win at the 36 th Annual World Series of Poker's No Limit Hold 'Em Championship yielded her $400,000, the highest cash prize ever paid to a female in a main event. She came to the World Series of Poker by winning a trip to Vegas during a freeroll at the London club "Gutshot," which she frequents. She then won a $10 satellite tournament to enter the World Series of Poker No Limit Hold 'Em Championship and the chance to beat out some of the top players in the world. She came as close to winning the event as any woman ever has, beating out 202 other female participants. Not bad for a newcomer. In fact, Williamson is currently ranked 99 on the 2005 Money List and 10th on the Women's "All-Time" Money List. Her win has made her the 15th highest money finisher ever for a female in the United Kingdom.

Addictive flash games are the bane of my existence.

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Last night Australian Joe Hachem came from behind to win the 2005 Worls Series of Poker, in a marathon session at the final table that ended at 7AM. He walks away with $7.5 million dollars for his work, while 2nd place finisher Steve Dannenmann bags $4 million.

Joe Hachem is a 39 yera old father of four and works back in Australia as a chiropractor.

Melbourne poker king wins $10m

[NOTE: this article converted the prize amounts to Australian dollars]

MELBOURNE card king Joe Hachem became an instant multi-millionaire last night in the world's biggest poker contest.

The Preston chiropractor cruised into the showdown against the sole other remaining player American Steven Dannenmann and was eyeing the top prize of $10 million in the Las Vegas competition.

Hachem had already won $5.6 million after defeating 5617 other contestants in the World Series of Poker no-limit Texas Hold 'em championship.

The 39-year-old father of four outwitted and outlasted an international field of competitors to face off against the world highest rollers.

"I can tell you I've made more money this week than in many years of fixing people's backs," Hachem said.

The ace won through eight gruelling days of competition, playing 12 to 13 hours a day, to reach the final table. Last night, wearing his darkest sunglasses, he risked millions of dollars on the turn of each card.

The Aussie and his loyal relatives – who chanted "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi" – captured the imagination of the crowd at Binion's Gambling Hall and Hotel.

Hachem's richest prize in Melbourne has been $3545. The world series' total prize pool was more than $69 million.

More Aussie coverage here, from the day before.

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Although Australian Joe Hachem walked away with first place, many including myself will remember Irishman Andrew Black as the class of the field, in every sense of the word.

Andrew is best known as the star of the 1998 poker documentary, "Million Dollar Deal," in which he is seen losing that year's WSOP against the legendary Stu Ungar. After that beat Black disappeared from the poker world and joined a buddhist monastery for 5 years, then finally returning to the cards two years ago an working his way back up the ranks.

Throughout this year's tournament he not only played masterfully but showed lots of personality while maintaining the class and graciousness you'd expect in a man fromthe monastery. At one point when he felt anothrr player was being unfairly penalized, he protested by stalling on all his turns the table until that player was allowed to return, even as all the other players were berating him to continue.. reportedly Black was actually moved to tears during this incident, he cared so much about standing up for this guy he felt was getting treated unjustly.

When he got to the final 8 it was clear (as heralded by Phil Hellmuth in cardplayer.com's live audio coverage) that Andrew Black was the best player left by far, with Mike Matusow gone. But a series of excuciating bad beats (he got his money in with the better cards each time and kept getting sucked out) eventually knocked him out in 5th.

I really hope ESPN gives Andrew Black lots of screen time, including the incident above, and he'll get to join the ranks of big name poker celebrities. I'd love to see a lot more of him.

Posting this for my friend mr. solis:

Google buys Zazzle

Google, the online search giant, have invested $16 million in Menlo Park, California based, online marketplace company called Zazzle. Just two years old, the web based, Amazon/Dell-type store is where people buy and sell customized T-shirts, stamps, posters prints and other gifts and artwork.

“Zazzle represents a significant breakthrough in e-commerce and is the ideal advocate for every individual who wants to create products that are as unique as they are,” Said John Doerr, Google investor and venture capitalists.

Zazzle’s creators Robert Beaver and sons, Bobby and Jeff, created the online store when the two sons were still in college at the Stanford University majoring in economics. The name Zazzle comes from the word “zazz” which means “to decorate something”. The company has established a community of members and visitors as well as partners like Walt Disney with more than 10,000 contributing artists. When people pick out an image and customize it on a T-shirt, framed picture or poster, Zazzle pays royalties to the contributing partner.
The company is also expected to partner with Pitney Bowes which will allow people to buy customized stamps.

I wonder how many takes they needed to get some of these in? (via the group home, without lil dap)

GET PAID TO WORK FROM HOME!!! No, seriously. 3 cents at a time, anyway.

Amazon's Mechanical Turk

"Amazon.com has a new program that wants you to 'Complete simple tasks that people do better than computers. And, get paid for it.' (example: 'Is there a pizza parlour in this photograph?'). For each task you complete you get a small payment, usually ranging from a few cents to a little under a dollar. It's named the Amazon Mechanical Turk after a famous hoax from the 19th century. Kill time and get paid in tiny increments to boot!" Similar to Google Answers, there seems to be a reliability ratings system and some incentives.

Soon to be a major motion picture late-night movie on Cinemax:

Two Panthers cheerleaders dismissed After bathroom sex leads to bar brawl

Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders who allegedly were having sex with each other in a bathroom stall at a Tampa, Fla., nightclub were arrested and charged early Sunday following a run-in with patrons and police.

According to a police report obtained by the CBS TV affiliate in Tampa and the Charlotte Observer, Angela Ellen Keathley and Renee Thomas were arrested following an incident at Banana Joe's, in Tampa's Channelside district, at 2:10 a.m. ET.

The cheerleaders were kicked off the team Monday for violating a signed code of conduct, Panthers spokesman Charlie Dayton said. The two violated a rule that bans conduct that's embarrassing to the team or organization.

In the police report, witnesses claimed Thomas and Keathley were having sex with each other in a stall when other patrons grew angry that the two were taking so long in the bathroom.

Another woman waiting to use the bathroom got into an argument with the two, and Thomas hit that person in the face, according to details of the report posted on TampaBay10.com, the CBS TV affiliate's Web site.

Keathley, who was escorted from the nightclub, was so drunk she could barely stand, the report said. Police described Keathley as rude and belligerent with police.

When Thomas was arrested, she gave police the name of another Panthers cheerleader -- Kristen Lanier Owen, the Observer and TampaBay10.com reported. Thomas, who was charged with one count of battery, might face additional charges for lying to police, once they confirm her identity.

Keathley was charged with disorderly conduct and obstructing or opposing an officer.

Other Panthers cheerleaders bailed Thomas and Keathley out of Hillsborough County jail later Sunday morning, TampaBay10.com reported.

The cheerleaders made the trip to Tampa on their own -- the squad performs on the sideline only at home games. Panthers officials at Sunday afternoon's game said they were aware of the report, but declined further comment when contacted by the Observer.

According to the Panthers' official team Web site on NFL.com, Keathley is a registered nurse and second-year member of the TopCats. Thomas is listed as a student at the University of North Carolina-Charlotte and first-year member of the cheerleading squad.