In his boldest move yet to establish himself as a crusader against violent hip-hop, today Rev. Al Sharpton announced he is constructing a 500-foot robot, programmed to stamp out all traces of negativity in the music.
"Somebody needs to stop this nonsense once and for all," Sharpton explained, "and when my Grandstandatron 3000 comes into town, knocking over buildings and blowing up cars with his laser eyes, the industry will be forced to make some real changes."
In a later press conference, The Source's David Mays and Ray Benzino expressed their support for the robot attack. "I've always been committed to promoting peace and togetherness in hip-hop," Benzino explained, "I don't know where anyone got the idea that you should use violence to get ahead in the rap game."
"Yeah, whatever he says" agreed Mays, sporting a black eye that he said came from walking into a door.
Some critics say Sharpton is just jockeying for media attention, by hawking outlandish plans that he knows he can't deliver. But Sharpton is undeterred by the naysayers. "Maybe next week they'll realize how serious I am," he posits, "when I unveil my plan to assemble an army of anti-rap ninjas."
