Haiku-Blogging the Oscars

7:45PM
Hundreds of people
Will be blogging the Oscars
But none in haiku!

7:55PM
Joan Rivers causes
Unbearable nausea yet
I can't look away

8:10 PM
Here comes Billy Bush
Suddenly I'm longing for
Joan's incompetence

8:20 PM
"Hey Naomi Watts!
Watt's up??" Billy Bush just asked.
I'm buying a gun.

8:40
Mildly amusing
All I can ask from Crystal.
Next year, Dave Chappelle!

9:20
That big boat movie?
you mean there are people who
actually saw that?

9:30
I guess long ago
In a land far far away
Bob Hope was funny?

9:50
Damn you, Liv Tyler.
Your Lisa Loeb impression
has stolen my heart.

10:20
And winning New York's
Democratic Primary..
Return of the King!

10:30
I've been nodding off
Did Lord of the Rings lose yet?
oh, ok then... *zzzzzzzzz*

11:00
And in first place for
The Scripps-Howard Spelling Bee
Return of the King!

11:30
All hail Seabiscuit!
Greatest movie of the year
for me to poop on.

11:40
Film that mocks asians
ironically awarded
little yellow man.

11:50
Peter Jackson beams
"There is no word in elvish
for the joy i feel!"

12:00
"They stole my precious!"
Bill Murray growls with a sneer
"they are so tricksy!"

12:20
Now let's all just hope
Peter won't get the rights to
The Silmarillion.