Why Red Sox Fans Should Be Happy

Although I am not a Yankee fan or even a baseball fan really, I am a New yorker, so on general principle I always have to root against Boston. But daaamn.

In the entirety of human existence, is there any pain that can compare to that of the Red Sox fan? 85 Years? Coming sooo close so many times, only to have it pulled out of your grasp yet again by the one team you hate the most? The team from the city you all secretly wish your city could be like? The team that already has 26 titles so how much can yet another possibly mean to them by comparison? The team that is arguably the Microsoft of baseball, dominating the league by wielding their economic might, and thus embodying everything that is wrong with the sport?

It's brutal. It reads like an opera or Shakespearean tragedy. And you know what, Sox fans? You should be thankful for that! Because the length of your ordeal is the only thing that makes you special.

I am a lifelong Knicks fan, and my team has not won a championship since 1973, when I was an infant. When I watch my team fail year after year nobody gives a moment's thought to my anguish. I am just another loser. Another sucker that you step over on your way to work the next day, as I lay crying in the gutter.

But when you watch your boys go down in flames the world looks up to you as a tragic hero. They all weep for your noble suffering, and shower you with more attention than they give the boys who beat you (fair and square).

Think about that, if you won the world series this year you'd be throwing that all away. Chances are you wouldn't win another one for years and years, but now you'd find yourself without all the fringe benefits it brought you before. You'd no longer have any right to the saintly aura your current victimhood affords you. You'd be in the same boat as us Knicks fans, all of the suffering with none of the nobility.

So take pride in what you've got! Lots of people are losers, but only you can say you are the best at it!